Ariel Center for
Policy Research



NATIV  Volume Sixteen   Number 2 (91)  ■  March 2003 ■ Adar II 5763 ■ Ariel Center for Policy Research






Jesus Christ Arrested by Belgian Prosecutors!

Dow Jones News Service (Feb 13, 2003)

Steven Plaut

Incredible as it may sound, we have just learned that Jesus Christ himself was just arrested by Belgium for his role in the massacre of Palestinians in Sabra and Shatilla in 1982. It seems Jesus had returned to earth a few years back and was quietly checking out the situation of Christendom, especially in Europe. When he came for a fact-finding visit to Brussels, he was arrested at the train station by the Belgian gendarmes and thrown into jail.

When asked about this, the Justice Minister of Belgium explained that Jesus was arrested because – as a Jewish colonist and occupier of Palestinian lands – he clearly had a role in the Sabra and Shatilla affair that was at least as serious as that of Ariel Sharon, whom the Belgians are also seeking to prosecute. Besides, at Sabra and Shatilla, Lebanese Christians killed Palestinians, the Minister pointed out. Belgium believes Ariel Sharon should have had the prescience to know the massacres would take place before they actually did, even though no one in Belgium foresaw them coming. They also claim Jesus himself should have been even more capable of foreseeing the consequences of the entrance of the Lebanese Falangist forces into those camps. Besides, those Falangists were without exception followers of the teachings of Jesus, and so Belgium believes this makes Jesus far more culpable than Ariel Sharon.

The Belgians also insist that Jesus is guilty of oppressing Palestinians. After all, he was born in Bethlehem, when it was illegally occupied by Jewish settlers. Then his parents took him to Nazareth, where Jews do not belong because it is an Arab city. Jesus’ family were part of the racist campaign to “Judaize” the Galilee.

When arrested, Jesus refused even to dignify the Belgian charges against him and turned the other cheek. All he said was that Brussels looked like the ugliest capital in all of Europe, and he had seen mangers nicer than it. Once in his cell, he requested a hot kosher meal.

The trial is expected to commence in a Belgian court within 4 months.

ACPR Contact usNativ IndexNativ in Hebrew